Friday, October 30, 2015

Dear John x

OMG I cannot beleive it is November tomorrow.. For me that past 3 months has just been a blur.  As a few of you know I lost my beautiful Step Dad John on the 1 September.  Mum called me on the Monday afternoon saying she had taken him to the hospital to the Emergency Dept as he was not feeling well.  Later that day we found out he had 3 big size tumours on his brain and he was terminal.  5 weeks later to the day he told mum to go to sleep and he passed away 15 min later in his hospital room.  He was in hospital for the first week as they did tests and all... but then he went home.  It was this day that he passed away that Mum took him back up to hospital.  5am he passed away holding Mums hand.  So very sad.  I flew home on the Friday and as I was in the air he had a stroke so when I arrived he was in a wheel chair.  He was in fantastic spirits but he hated being in hospital.  He just wanted to go home!!! So so sad.  Life can be ripped away from you with the blind of an eye.   I have always loved John and we have a lovely relationship and he always had time for anyone.  He looked after and loved my Mum so much.  They were so in love at 72 and Mum 70 in 4 weeks time.  They have an art gallery at home where they sell their garden art and paintings and big wooden hand make aeroplanes that John made. Their home was their haven and they have so many people calling in there just to see their garden and art that they so much enjoyed creating and caring for together.  Life can be a bitch..... it can be so cruel.  Sadly the reality is ... that is the circle of life.  I know not one of us is ever prepared for it.  
I flew home for a week but ended up there for 3.  He passed away 10 days after I was back in Australia again.  They are in NZ.  My hometown.
This photo below was days after John was discharged from Waikato Hospital. Thank God!!! He was so distressed and upset for the whole time in there.  He just wanted to go out every day which was so unlike him.  He was in such beautiful spirits most of the time.
Here we are at Mount Maunganui. Our most favourite place and beach.

Charlie never left his side as you can see.

I so love you John 
Below Mum and John.. Two humans so in love.  Married for 23 years.

My beautiful Mum Sue.  This morning was such a distressful morning.  John is in the Neurology ward and visiting hours are strict.  We were only allowed to see John between 11-1pm and 4-8pm.  My poor Mum cried in her sleep she was fretting so much for Johns life.

Poor John here looking his worse.  This is stress doing it to him.  He just wanted to go home and be with his soul mate and Charlie boy his dog.. His best mate.

I know this is a bit of a sad post.. but this is life.. I live the good and the bad.  Life can be so cruel and I am so so struggling every single day with the fact that my gorgeous Mum is living on her own now and has no one to care for or no one to love and feel love from.  It is truly sad.  We speak on the phone at least 2-3 times a week and every day on the internet.  I cry for her silently as she cries to me over the phone as to how desperately hollow and empty she feels.
It is just so sad.
Rest in Peace dear John
Love you both forever
Moonie girl